I’m going to be very blunt here.
There is an article that has been shared a few times recently, written by a certain individual as he recounted his near-marriage experience. In it he essentially tells the story of how he realized that “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy.”
Am I the only person who has a problem with this logic?
First of all, I don’t’ know if this has not been fully lost to society, but there is a great difference between self-interest and selfishness. The original author as well as his father who apparently shared with him this “gem of wisdom” seem to be unclear. Self interest refers to any action that is for the benefit and continued well-being of the individual at hand. Selfishness is such an action that is made explicitly and deliberately at the expense of someone else.
Now that this obvious distinction has been made, why the hell should anyone be marrying anyone for any other reason than because they are ALREADY happy? Not to mention that the idea of marriage is already unnecessary as many couples of many persuasions share the same loyalty and love and devotion for each other as happily married couples.
Let’s not forget that a wedding is for everyone EXCEPT the couple involved, a political, legal and financial agreement more than a bonding for life, and at best it is a ritualistic piece of performance art for the benefit of families involved.
Let’s make this clear. If there are questions such as “Am I ready” or “Am I making the right choice” or any such others it means either two things: that the answers to all those questions are a resounding “no” as is the answer to the question on whether or not you should get married. Either it’s not for you, or you’re not with the right person. It most certainly does not mean that you need to jump into a marriage even though your gut is clearly sensing something wrong with that decision because “you’re going to make someone else happy”.
Is there a more effective way to build resentment and a marriage doomed to fail than that?
Much love,
Zen Politics
“Marriage Isn’t For Me” – Published November 10, 2013
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